My TV mother, myself

Philadephia Daily News - September 28, 2000

By Ellen Gray

I'd been watching television nearly 30 years before I saw a TV mom I recognized.

Her name was Roseanne.

With all due respect to Jane Kaczmarek, who plays Lois, the fiercely loving mother of Fox's "Malcolm in the Middle," it was comedian Roseanne Barr who in the 1988 premiere of ABC's "Roseanne" first ripped the pearls off June Cleaver, kicked the heels out from under Donna Stone and blasted Carol Brady right back to that fantasy land where "blended" families always live happily ever after.

My own mother may have looked a bit more like June, Donna and Carol than Roseanne - at least she owns pearls - but in bringing up seven kids, she shared Roseanne's no-nonsense attitude toward child-rearing, typified by the line from the star's stand-up act: "By the time my husband comes home at night, if those kids are alive, I've done my job."

Nearly a dozen years later, it's difficult to remember the fuss that surrounded "Roseanne's" ascent in the Nielsens, where it quickly rivaled, and offered a stark contrast to, the more civilized "Cosby Show." Some therapists even expressed concern that Roseanne's sarcastic way of dealing with her children - she once said that if she had $50 she'd "buy new kids" - might disturb youngsters, while others hailed the show's realism.

Realism, or her increasing removal from it, would eventually render Roseanne's sitcom persona unrecognizable, but nothing will ever erase the first, delicious shock of seeing a TV character whose sense of self wasn't irreparably damaged by childbirth.

These days, "Malcolm in the Middle's" Lois often strays into Roseanne Conner territory - and beyond - in dealing with her four sons, but she has disappointingly little company on the "real mother" front.

Among the few pushing TV's definition of mothers:

- Livia Soprano. With any luck, you won't recognize your mother (or mother-in-law) in the cranky matriarch of HBO's "The Sopranos," but who hasn't met a Livia? Dangerous when she's unhappy and even more dangerous when she's not, she's been the treacherous wind shear beneath her mobster son's wings for two seasons now. Although the recent death of actress Nancy Marchand means we probably won't be seeing her anymore, there's no way Livia will ever be really gone, much less forgotten.

- Carmela Soprano. One of the things that's made "The Sopranos" such a hit is its insight into the difficulties of modern-day parenting, and in the Soprano family, it's Carmela who's doing the heavy lifting. Full of heart and brains, she's a tough mother for tough times. Only one detail rings false: Would a woman this practical name her only daughter Meadow?

- Marie Romano. The co-star of CBS's "Everybody Loves Raymond," Marie (Doris Roberts) transcends the sitcom format to become Everymom. She's not the personification of every mother-in-law joke ever made, but she may be the one the true jokes are told about.

- Maxine Gray. The jury's still out on the title mom in CBS's "Judging Amy" (though star Amy Brenneman's character seemed to develop more backbone over the course of the show's first season), but there's no question that Amy Gray's mother, Maxine (Tyne Daly), is a woman to be reckoned with. A cigarette-smoking social worker who's determined to show her adult children she has a life beyond cleaning up after their messes, Maxine's one working mother a lot of working daughters would recognize.


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